


Jim: Hearts In Darkness I

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Drama, M/M, None - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 04:33:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/794009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blair is in the hospital, and Jim and Blair must each face the darkness on their own...together.  Or, if you let yourself believe, you just might see the light.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jim: Hearts In Darkness I

**Author's Note:**

> "Hearts in Darkness" is two stories. One from Jim's POV and one from Blair's. This is an exercise in exorcism. This attacked me and would not let go until I put it into words. So, I decided to share. I appreciate all comments, please feel free to e-mail me.

## Jim: Hearts In Darkness I

by JC

Author's disclaimer: The characters from the TV series "The Sentinel" are not my property, and I am not making money off of them. That's it.

* * *

Jim: Hearts in Darkness I by J.C. 

Blair was still unconscious and Jim's world had no light. At least not real light. Only a small ray that seemed to focus itself on Blair's chest, right over his heart. Today, anyway. Yesterday it had been on his hand, the left one. Just that tiny ray of light and all else darkness. 

Jim was terrified. He needed help, but the only one that could help him, _couldn't_ help him. The eyesight of a Sentinel was useless against this black hole. The only thing that kept him from spiraling into it was that tiny ray of light. It was shining proof to Jim that Blair was not gone, that he still had hold of this world, though it may be by one trembling finger. Why else would there be that little bit of light in all of this overwhelming blackness? And in his mind, Jim had a tight grip on that finger. He wasn't able to let go. Not if he wanted to preserve his own sanity. 

Jim reached out and touched Blair's chest. The pulse beneath his finger matched the beat sounding in his ears, and it gave him a small bit of comfort. 

"Chief, talk to me..." 

* * *

Another day and still Jim sat by Blair's side. The doctors said, "Wait and see." So, he would wait and see, and hope and pray, and hold on. 

The ray of light had moved, but it had gotten no brighter. Now it rested on Blair's right eye. Jim could detect minute movements behind the closed lid. He resisted the urge to lift it up and seek out the familiar smoky blue, not wanting to see those usually bright eyes looking unseeingly outwards with no flash or fire. With no _life_. He closed his own eyes, picturing the incredible wonder that was Blair Sandburg's blue eyes. 

"Chief, please...talk to me." 

A tear rolled down Jim's cheek, only to fall from his face and splash on to the back of Blair's still hand. More followed the first, until Jim felt that there would be nothing left in his life _but_ tears. He lowered his head to the bed, finding the strength to control his sobs, so that the shaking of his body would not disturb his Guide. 

"Please...just talk to me..." 

* * *

[Jim.] 

The urgent whisper startled Jim who jerked upright. His eyes felt _used_ , and his face was tight from the dried tracks of tears. He knew what he had heard. Blair was calling him. He looked at the motionless figure lying in the hospital bed. The same as before he had fallen asleep, the same as yesterday, the same as too many days that came before. 

[Jim, I'm here.] 

Jim whirled around, seeing nothing, trying not to believe he was losing his mind. Blair was there. Somewhere. Not this silent person in the hospital bed, but the life force that embodied Blair, that filled Jim's existence in so many forms. 

[Trust your heart.] 

Jim saw a spark, watched it shine brightly for a brief moment, then fade to a dim glow. A glow that spread out, not piercing the gloom exactly, but not cowered by it, nor giving in to it. 

[Jim...have faith.] 

And then the glow was gone. Or rather it broke apart, scattering itself and sending sparkles swirling into the surrounding black. 

* * *

Jim shook himself, rationalizing. Just stress, just longing. But even as he thought it, he felt something inside him shifting, changing. Like his heart was trying to rearrange itself. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them he noticed that that hopeful ray of light was now focused on Blair's lips. Jim was struck by their fullness, reflecting on how many times he had looked at those lips - talking, pouting, talking, eating, talking, kissing... He forced his mind away from that last thought. That was just the stuff of dreams. He hung his head, and took Blair's hand. He rubbed the back of it, working warmth into it - wishing everything could be that simple. That he could just rub the life back into him - feel the heat as it spread throughout Blair's whole body. He resisted the urge to lift the hand to his lips, to kiss it, taste it. As he watched Blair's lips, he could feel tiny pulses at the point of contact between his hand and his Guide's. Infusing him with hope, cloaking him from the darkness. Blair was still here. And Blair wanted him to trust his heart. Suddenly, hope wasn't enough. 

"Chief, I don't think you want to hear what's in my heart." 

* * *

The next day was bad. Jim wasn't sure what was going on, couldn't make himself focus on the voices of the doctors. Instead, he had focused on the pain that twisted inside him as they hustled him out of the room, the beeps and alarms of the machinery echoing in his head. 

Darkness ruled. He tried in vain to concentrate on Blair's hold on this world. But he couldn't see the beam, couldn't find a spark, the glow was missing. He looked through the little window on Blair's door, but nothing. All he could see was black, all he could _feel_ was black. Forcefully, he pushed it away. Faith, Blair had said. The light is there, he thought. Blair's hold is weak right now, and there are all those damn people in there.... He sank onto a nearby couch before his legs could totally give out on him. He closed his eyes and looked inside himself. He searched hard, even though he already knew what he would find. So he searched for the strength to acknowledge it, to trust and have faith in it, and to not be afraid of his need for it. And he needed it now, because it was like his own beam of light. The light that kept the darkness from taking him over from the inside out. The light that was his love for Blair. 

* * *

By the time the doctors had all left and Jim had settled himself back by Blair's side, he realized that the glow was still present in the room. And it was getting brighter. The doctors' faces had been grim, grimmer even than before. But that steady glow comforted him, and he could feel the light inside him as well. _Something_ was different, something for the better. 

[Jim.] 

He wasn't surprised as the glow inside the room moved, slowly taking shape. He knew he had to be projecting, but it seemed so much like Blair's shape. 

[Jim. Trust your heart. You'll see that I'm here. Then, maybe you'll trust me with that part of you. Just a little, Jim? I'm here, talking to you like you asked. Maybe you could talk to me, too. Jim?] 

Jim opened his mouth to speak, his whole body trembling as he realized that he could indeed do it. 

"Chief, I love you." 

There was a bright flash, then everything went black. 

* * *

Jim couldn't see, but it wasn't because darkness surrounded him. His sight was totally offline. 

[I've loved you for a long time.] 

Jim could hear the voice clearly. He picked up the heat and the scent. Not cool stillness, or clammy feverishness, but the healthy warmth of his Guide. It felt like arms wrapping around him from behind in a tight hug. And the scent - not the medicinal sickroom odors, but the clean, freshness of soap, shampoo and skin. His heart knew what his eyes couldn't see - Blair. 

[This is not how I wanted it to be, Jim. But things are different now. I need you to know what's in my heart, and your own. To believe it, no matter what, so that you can carry it with you forever. No matter what, Jim.] 

Jim felt a jolt of energy pass through him, a painless fire surrounding his heart, and then the glow was scattering again. Jim was trembling inside, surprised that his own body hadn't scattered as well. He clenched his eyes tightly shut, holding on, believing, afraid and unafraid all at once of what 'forever, no matter what' might mean. 

* * *

'Trust in the strength of it,' Jim thought. He filled his lungs, exhaling slowly. When he finally opened his eyes, the room came slowly into focus and he realized that Blair's eyes were open, too. He wasn't startled even though it was so unexpected. He simply reached out and took hold of the hand that lay on top of the sheet. 

"Welcome back, Chief." 

Blair tried to talk, but no words came out. 

"Don't try to talk. I'm going to go get the doctor." 

Jim started to rise, but Blair stopped him by squeezing his hand gently. Jim looked into those eyes, and sat back down. He reached out with his other hand and poured a small cup of water from the pitcher on the bedside table, raising it to Blair's lips to let him take tiny sips. Blair didn't let go of Jim's hand, as Jim watched him drink. He saw Blair working up to try to speak again, and laid his finger against Blair's lips to stop him. 

"Shhh." 

Blair squeezed Jim's hand harder. "...say...it...again..." 

Jim didn't even have to think about what Blair meant. He felt his world shift, and surely would have been lost, if not for Blair's hold on him. Even now, Blair was the strong one, never letting him go. 

"I love you, Chief." Their eyes locked, and he handed Blair his heart, finding it very easy to trust that it was safe. When Blair smiled, Jim found the call button with his free hand, and summoned a nurse. 

* * *

One more time, he was led out of the room so that the doctors could do their work. He sat on the couch, closing his eyes at the sudden brightness of his world. It was like someone had flipped a switch. 'Blair,' Jim thought. When he felt someone touch his shoulder, he looked up into the concerned, brown eyes of Simon Banks. 

"How is he today, Jim?" 

Jim smiled, a wide perfect expression, as he eavesdropped on Blair's room. The doctors and nurses were whispering in stunned amazement. Then his Guide's voice reached him, softly saying that he loved Jim too. 

"Fine, Simon. He's just fine." And Jim smiled harder at that simple truth. 

~~~~~The End~~~~~ 


End file.
